Monthly Archives: August 2012

Karina’s Poem

           THE   RIVER

The widest river full of tears could never wash away

The pain and deep regret that I lived with every day

My intense shame and sorrow was too great to tell

In fact, my life had become more like a living hell

I thought I deserved the tormented existence that I led

After all, four babies, by my choice, were dead

But did I really “choose” for my babies to die?

When it comes to abortion, the word “choice” is a lie

Resignation is a word closer to the mark

Other options are left very much in the dark

The clinic counsellor is there to “help” you decide

Have they been there? Have they done that?

What makes them qualified?

After being told “the facts” and assured that this is no big deal

You’re asked to sign consent for the life they’re about to steal

And no matter how much you cry or wish there was another way

No one acknowledges your confusion – to them it’s just another day

Just another day at the death clinic where lives are lost before they’re born

Little souls going up to Heaven, mothers left behind to mourn

But mourn what? You’re told that you’re supposed to feel relieved

Then why do I feel so bad inside; I think I’ve been deceived

Deceived by that package labelled “choice”; it was all a great big lie

I’ll never get to see my baby, nurse it or even hear it cry

If it’s “no big deal” then why do I feel so rotten to my core

And why does my empty womb grieve for the babe it never bore

Why can’t I stop the ache that comes from so deep within my soul?

Will anything ever fill this raw and ragged, crater-shaped hole?

I couldn’t bear the thought of carrying this burden even just one more day

But Jesus that’s when You came to me and offered to take my burden away

At first I didn’t want to let it go and You so patiently understood

I didn’t want to forgive myself and You so gently told me I should

But Jesus, what happened to those dear little babies I let go

“I have them” You said, “they’re safe with me, but there’s something they want you to know

“They want you to know they love you and they’re waiting here with Me

“Waiting for their Mum, until together you can spend eternity

“They forgive you and so do I, so let My river of blood flow each day

“To consume all of the shame and guilt that your tears could never wash away”

Thank you dear Jesus for cleansing me in the healing river of Your blood

You washed me even whiter than snow when I felt as dirty as mud

So Jesus please tell my little babies that I love them with all my heart

That I’m sorry I never gave them life and that for now we are apart

I’m so grateful Jesus that my precious babies are with You

And I look forward to the day when I can be there with them too

Karina   3-2-06




Even after all these years I still think about her.. I always thought of her as a little girl.  Back then it just wasn’t right to be having a baby if you weren’t married.   It was legal, everyone thought I was stupid not to do it.

My boyfriend and I got married 2 years later.. we have 3 gorgeous sons.   Yet I have never forgotten my first …


My advice?   Don’t do it.   Nothing that you can imagine will ever be as bad as the regret you might carry.  Find someone to help you.   Demand that someone help you.   Do whatever you can.  Don’t let anyone tell you your life might be ruined by a baby.   You might end up like me feeling like your life was ruined because you don’t have that baby..


When my girlfriend said she was pregnant, I was terrified.. I had no idea what to do, or what she wanted to do.  We were both so busy trying to do the right thing for each other.. now we can hardly even talk.  I thought she wanted to have an abortion.   I didn’t really want her to, but aren’t I supposed to be supportive?   To do whatever she wants?   She’s the one who would have to live through being pregnant.

I didn’t know I would be so angry afterwards.    When she told me that she wished I had said she could have the baby, what was I supposed to say?   We messed up big time.  We can never undo this.  Nothing will ever be the same..


I’m not sure what I was really looking for when I went to the clinic, someone to talk to about what I could do I guess.

They did talk to me, but only really about abortion, they seemed to think I had already made up my mind.. maybe I had.. I don’t know anymore.   When they said they could do it then, it just seemed like the easiest thing.. the best thing.

Now, I wish I’d taken more time.. I should have taken more time..  It seemed right.. it really did.. but if I’d had more time to think it  through, to really think about what a baby might have meant.. I think I would have been a great mum..


I was relieved after my abortion.. that I didn’t have to tell anyone.. didn’t have to change my life… I’d even almost forgotten about it.  It wasn’t until my sister announced her pregnancy only 2 weeks later that I realised that it wasn’t the quick fix I’d hoped for…   that I had been pregnant… pregnant… just like my sister was now… yet she was happy and announcing it.. I had hidden it… tried not to think about it.

Now she was having a baby… and I realised that I had been too.   I had been having a baby….   not a’problem’…. but a baby.

I was so angry, I couldn’t quite get my head around the truth of it.  I still haven’t really.  How could I not have know?   How could I have bought the quick fix solution without thinking about it properly?   I think it is just that I was so panicked at the time.   The clinic said they could take care of things for me that morning.. that it would all be over.

Except now I know it will never be over.   My sister’s baby was born a week ago… she is so beautiful… and my soul is broken..

Kim’s story

I was 22 when I fell pregnant and I would have finished uni about 3 months before the baby would have been due.   I was kind of excited at first, but when I told my boyfriend… when I saw the look on his face… well, he didn’t really need to say very much.. I knew he wasn’t happy.    He said it wasn’t really the right time, that we should finish uni, work, maybe get married, then have kids in a few years.

I spoke to my mum and she really said much the same thing.   ‘you can have another baby… a planned baby… when you’re ready for one’.

I figured if my boyfriend wasn’t ready, then maybe it was silly to think I was.   I knew I couldn’t do it on my own.   I didn’t want that for my baby.   So I had an abortion.   I was kind of numb when I went to the place.  There were all these other girls sitting in the waiting room… some cried, others looked like I felt, as though part of them weren’t even there.. a part of them had died already.

I don’t remember much about the abortion itself.   All of us girls had a kind of group information session and nobody looked very comfortable asking questions.   I had questions as I was quite scared.. but I was more scared to ask them.

When I got home it felt really strange, like it never really happened.  I found it kind of hard to believe I had been pregnant.  My boyfriend broke up with me a few weeks later.  He said I had changed and wasn’t happy anymore.

It’s been 3 years.   I finished uni, but I didn’t really care too much.  I haven’t had a job.  I have had lots of boyfriends.. not real ones.. just the kind to help you feel a little something.. mostly like crap.

Maybe abortion is good for some people, but I haven’t met anyone who said it was.   Nobody told me this kind of hell was even possible..