Monthly Archives: March 2014


Considering I am already a single mother to a 3 year old child and struggling, I thought I was making the right choice.  However, within days of my procedure I deeply regret my decision.  It’s now been two weeks and I’m still miserable.  The worst part is the doctors did not give me an abortion; they set me up for a miscarriage.  I went to have the procedure done February 1, 2014.
February 8th, my stomach started to hurt so bad.  I mean, so bad that I could barely move.  The doctor told me I would have a regular period with cramps, but this was different.  I told my mother it felt more like I was having contractions rather than cramps.  My stomach was killing me, my back was killing me, and I felt so constipated.  That night I got the same feeling. I also kept having hours at a time where I felt as if I had to pee so bad, but could not.

Finally around 3 in the morning February 9th, I felt like something was sliding out of me. I thought it was a blood clot, but it was kind of big. I went to the bathroom to have a grayish bloody blob on my pad. I rolled the pad up and threw it in the trash.  While sitting on the toilet more came out. Me being the curious person I am wanted to know what was coming out of me.  I took something long in the bathroom and began to poke it, only to find out I was poking the head to my baby. Right next to it looked like a tiny foot. I freaked out and flushed it. I literally stopped breathing for a while. It felt as if my world just paused.

Now, not only did I have the deep regret of getting rid of my baby in the first place, but as of the 9th I am so deeply depressed that I had to see that. I believe that was my punishment though. I know that I didn’t want to see that, but that’s exactly what I get for being so selfish and trying to get rid of my baby anyway. I have to now live forever knowing that what was in my pad was possibly my baby’s body. And if so now the body is somewhere wrapped up in garbage and the head is in the sewer. I don’t think I’ll ever find it in me to forgive myself.

I honestly believe my unborn child was a girl. Everything in me tells me it was a girl. Her name would have been Chase. Chase Anthony for a boy or Chase Ariel for a girl. But that was my Chase Ariel. All she wanted was life, and she deserved it. She deserved for me to let her have her life and love her like I do her big brother, and I chose not to. And now I will live with that pain and the image of her in my head for the rest of my life..


I was scared. I found out I was pregnant. the father wasn’t too sure if he wanted it.

And I knew deep down he didn’t.  But I should’ve kept it, kept my baby.  I knew it would’ve been hard raising a child alone although I would have help from family and friends.  But I didn’t want the embarrassment from people that I was havng a baby without a father for it.

I never wanted anything more than to have a child and God blessed me with one and I took it away.


I let friends and others influence me to have the abortion.

They said it would be best.

I could’ve done it though.  On my own.  I know I could’ve.

I’m now left with pain, anger, hurt, hatred.  I pray for forgiveness,  I feel I don’t deserve it though.

Will this pain ever go away.  My baby would be 1 year old today and I took it’s life away..