Monthly Archives: April 2014

Lisa

I am 23 years old.

2013 brought with it my most challenging year yet, after the break up of a long term relationship, the long struggle of health with my mum, and the sudden divorce of my parents I spent a great deal of time leaning against my best friend.  We became insanely close to the point where we were never apart.  We fell in love and were taking things extremely slowly.

Until one night I decided to do a pregnancy test because I just didn’t feel ‘normal’.  When it came back positive I didn’t know what to do, I felt like I had lost all control over my life and I wanted to sink into the ground.  I met with my best friend and I told him, he already has a child (single father, child is my godchild) and the memories of him telling me that he was going to be a father came streaming back into my head.  I knew that he had done a lot of growing up since that night, but I couldn’t help but remember how shattered, afraid and how much hate he had for the mother of that child.  But I told him anyway, and to my surprise he smiled..he held me, and told me that everything would be okay, that he would never leave me and that we would be perfect..

I didn’t want to listen to him, because as much as I loved him, I didn’t want to be with him like that.  I have always dreamt of having a baby, and in my dreams it was perfect..this wasn’t perfect.

We came to a decision together after weeks of tough chats to not keep the baby.  We went to the clinic together and it was over.

It’s been a month now, and I always think that it wasn’t a bad choice because if I really wanted to be with him, then we could have made this work.  But we chose not to.  Those thoughts are quickly over taken by the thoughts of us giving up, we gave up on a baby, a life.  When we really didn’t have to.  We have money, a house, love.  We could have done it.

Is not wanting this with a certain person a good enough reason to take a life?.

Rachel, a grandchild lost

I am grieving with you, your son and family at this time Debbie.

My heart aches for everyone affected by abortion. I lost my 13 week old grandchild to abortion on 6 June 2012 despite offering every kind of support possible to my son’s 19 year old girlfriend.

When my son and his girlfriend visited me to let me know she was pregnant she never mentioned getting rid of the baby. In fact, she indicated quite the opposite. They were both nervous about my reaction to the news but cried and hugged me when I instantly offered my love and support. She told me she had already seen the university counsellor and had been assured there was nothing to stop her finishing her degree even after the baby was born as they had childcare facilities. However, she went on to say she was scared about telling her parents because she didn’t think her mother would be supportive. A few days later my son went with her to see her parents and everything changed.

My heart broke for this young lady as she suffered two weeks of emotional and physical coercion from her parents which forced her down a path she never wanted to walk. It was heartbreaking to witness the physical and emotional threats made towards her by her parents. She was told she would have to leave home; threatened to be cut her off from her family; told not to tell anyone (including her siblings) about the baby; isolated from friends, the outside world and all support; told she would be responsible for any actions her parents might take (mother threatened to leave her father if he didn’t support her decision for her daughter to have an abortion); told to put on a happy face and act like nothing was wrong; forced to break up with her boyfriend of two years (my son)….and much much more.

The day before my grandchild died we were read the emotional letter this young lady wrote to a friend. It was heartbreaking. She told of her parent’s anger and threats. She explained that she was afraid of what they would do and scared of never seeing her family again (especially her nephew and niece). She was upset at the possibility of losing the boyfriend she loved because he didn’t want her to abort their baby. She went on to say that family meant so much to her and she felt she had no choice but to have an abortion. She closed the letter expressing the distress and grief she was going through at the thought of never getting to hold her baby in her arms.

After the abortion my son was the only one she felt she could turn to. She was distressed, in pain, confused and broken. Despite my son’s intense grief over the loss of his much wanted and loved child he still tried to help his girlfriend. When her parents found out that she was talking to him they insisting she have nothing to do with him or our family and forced her to cut us off. This beautiful girl ended up not just losing her baby but everyone she felt she could could turn to in her grief.

Having witnessed what this young lady went through, supporting my son though his grief and dealing with my own, it makes me wonder how anyone can say abortion will help these young girls have a better life. Abortion not only kills babies but hurts mothers and fathers, grandparents, siblings, aunts, uncles and so many others..

Debbie: loss of a grandchild

On 4th April, 2014, the life of my 4th grandchild, my son’s first child was ended in an abortion clinic.  This child’s parents had dated for 2 years, become engaged, bought baby clothes and furniture, and named their child, Cole James for a boy, Lyra Grace for a girl.

Nothing we did to reassure this young mother of our support, even after she and my son had planned for their baby and were excitedly welcoming him or her, could overcome the fears and insecurities that others close to her magnify in her mind…  She wouldn’t be able to manage a baby and complete her education…  She would lose her entire youth…  She would never be supported in the way we had promised…   all lies.

She was cut off from those most trying to help her, by those who did not want to support her in her decision to have her baby, but instead were determined to ensure she rode the conveyor belt of doubt and fear all the way to abortion.

My son learned of the circumstances of his child’s death 2 days later when he woke to find the mother crying on his doorstep about the terrible mistake she had made.

He was broken.

We all are.

Abortion does not just hurt women and their children.  It hurts the fathers of the children.  It leaves a gap in a family where a child should be, a child who was wanted, and already loved.  It is a pathway of destruction that no woman deserves..

Emily

I had an abortion on 31/03/2009 at the age of 15. It is the biggest regret and mistake of my life, and has impacted my life greatly in a negative way.

I am not making excuses -because there is no possible way to justify the horrible and terrible decision I made, but I truly believe if it wasn’t for the fact that I was threatened and manipulated into making the choice I did by my abusive 19 boyfriend at the time (who didn’t want to have to tell his parents!) I would have made a different decision.

Having a termination has ruined my life, and I feel like I deserve it after what I did. I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and social phobia, I barely leave the house, I don’t talk to anyone, I cry 24/7, I can’t leave my house because I’m scared to see a baby or pregnant lady, I self harm, I attempted suicide, I love my nephew to death and he loves me and is very clingy to me but I can’t be around him because I fill up with jealousy and sadness knowing that I could have had a beautiful baby but I ruined it by making a terrible stupid decision

The day of my abortion repeats over and over in my head, I have nightmares frequently, I cry every night. I’m effected by my regret every waking moment. I find it especially hard when it comes to the anniversary of the termination I would do literally ANYTHING to go back in time and change it. All I want in the world is to have my beautiful baby:(

I wouldn’t wish the regret and guilt on my worst enemy but I find dome comfort in the fact that there are people who can relate to me and understand my pain. I hope you all find a way to deal with your guilt and experience a happy fulfilling life.

I still struggle greatly with coming to terms with this and if it isn’t too much to ask I would love to have someone who understands what I’m feeling to talk to xxx.

Sara

Just after I turned 21 I started dating this guy that I thought I was truly in love with, (what a massive mistake that turned out to be).   After a couple of months I found out I was pregnant.   I told my boyfriend and he broke down in tears.   I told him we would sort something out (at that point I was willing to go through with aborting the baby, not realising how attached I would become to this unborn child).

I was booked in to have the surgery done, when I realised I didn’t want to go through with it.   I told him, and he turned to me and said that if I didn’t then I’d be at his funeral before the baby was born.. he was seriously threatening to kill himself if I didn’t terminate the pregnancy.

His mum then found out (even though he swore he didn’t tell her, I’m pretty certain it was him), and she bullied me to the point of me feeling like I’d never cope on my own, by constantly telling me I’d be a terrible parent, how stupid I was to fall pregnant and I was just trying to trap him into a relationship.

I ended up going through with the surgery, and hated myself for years… to the point that when my now husband and I were trying for a baby, which took well over a year for me to fall pregnant, then finding out at our 13 week scan that the baby had died at 8-9 weeks, I was honestly blaming myself and my previous abortion for the issues we were having 5 years later.

I hope that my story will help at least one other person..