Monthly Archives: September 2014

14 years

14 years on, still my biggest regret!
Why wasn’t I stronger? Why couldn’t I say no? Why didn’t I stand up for myself and for my baby?.

L forced at 16

I too was forced to have an abortion at 16 years old in 1971 right before Roe v. Wade came into play.  I had to go before a panel of many doctors, lie to my OB doctor all to have the abortion I never wanted.  In the hospital the day of the abortion I walked down the halls sobbing and and holding my tummy because I felt so alone and trapped into having this terrible abortion.  My mother was verbally abusive, I was terrifed of my father who had an enormous temper and the baby’s father all said absolutely no way could or should I have this child.

In the counseling session when the counselor tried to tell me about any options I had instead of the abortion my mother cut her off and said ‘we know all of that, she knows her options’ which I did not.  I ended up marrying the baby’s dad later on which ended in divorce as I think I never could get over what we’d done to our precious baby.  I have had horrible resentment and anger at my mom for years. I have had awful depression and still fight it to this day.

I know that I have been forgiven by Jesus and try to turn this grief and shame and guilt to him daily.  I know he has forgiven me and my child is safe in His arms however I cant really forgive myself completely.  I have forgiven my mom and try to have a healthy relationship with her but it is a work in progress.  As a lot of us struggle with these issues still many years after the abortion.  I pray for us all to find God’s peace and restore our joy of living in order to help others avoid this pain..