I’m so sick of being told how I should or shouldn’t feel about my abortion. I remember being told by the clinic that I might feel a bit teary for a week or 2 but that would be normal, then I’d just be relieved like everyone else.  When I rang them 6 months later because I was STILL teary they said that was unusual and wouldn’t be from the abortion, making me feel like there was something so wrong with me.

So I buried the lot for 5 years and never spoke about it to anybody.  Nobody really cared anyway.  It’s supposed to be this common cool thing to do, but nobody ever talks about.  When I did tell a friend about a year ago, she just burst into tears and said she couldn’t talk about it.  She’d had one too.  Turns out I’m not the only one who still felt like crap.

There is not something wrong with me for feeling sad about the abortion, or even feeling bloody angry like I seem to do a lot more now.   I went to the clinic expecting to talk things through, but they had no information for me about what else I could do.  They also talked about how every week I waited it would get more expensive.  I didn’t even know what I wanted.  How can you know when everything feels like your life is falling apart?

Then I hear and see these ridiculous, ugly abortion radicals screaming about wanting free abortion on demand like it’s a right to do whatever you want and it shouldn’t be a right.   The fact that it’s so damn easy and treated like just a ‘right’ is why I ended up there but it isn’t easy and you shouldn’t be allowed to make up your mind there and then without knowing what else you could do and you shouldn’t be told there is something wrong with you when you’re supposed to be sad or even angry.

My sister lost a baby before I had an abortion and everyone expected her to be sad and they said sorry and bought her flowers.  I couldn’t tell her about my abortion.  But how come her baby was worth all that and I’m just supposed to crawl in a hole and shut up?  She didn’t want her baby more than me.  She just had a better job and a husband!

So sick of it..

2 Responses to Caroline

  • Lyn Schoof says:

    Hi Caroline. Thank you for sharing! I can hear a lot of anger in your story and I don’t blame you! So many people tell us things because they think it’s ‘best’ for us, without asking whether it will be! You have been deceived in so many ways, but you sound strong enough to stand up for your own truth. Good on you!! If you ever get the chance to talk to a post abortion counsellor, that would give you a chance to share what you really feel. Xx

  • Kate says:

    Hello Caroline
    You are so brave to speak up about how you really feel. Please know you are not alone, and how you feel is totally understandable and you should not have to try and cover that up. Sadly, many women share your pain, but I hope you can take some small comfort from knowing you are not the only one.

    I am so sorry that you were placed in such a difficult position. It sounds like you were looking for information and support and someone to talk to, and all you got was pressure to go down a path you didn’t really want.

    I don’t blame you for feeling “sick of it”. You have battled along for 5 years, but you’ve made such a great step forward in writing this and sending it in! I hope you can continue to work through all that has happened, and that this will be the beginning of emotional healing for you.
    We can’t change the past. But we can, in time and usually with help, come to terms with it, and make a different future for ourselves.

    It may help you to read through some of the other stories on this page. It is also important that if you need someone to talk to, that you keep on being brave and reach out for help. The resources section on this page has some good links , or use one of the agencies on the “get Help” page. Or even send another email to this page, and they will put you in touch with someone near you or via a phone help line.

    Everyone here who reads your story will be feeling a lot of love and compassion for you. Take heart. xx

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