Men’s stories

Merissa

My husband had three girlfriends that had abortions when he was in his late teens and twenties. Prior to us getting married, he had shared that one girlfriend of his had an abortion but he didn’t know if the child was his or not and shrugged it off like he wasn’t affected by the abortion. But a year later, shortly after we got married, it became very apparent something major happened in his life that was bothering him tremendously.

He was experiencing lots of symptoms that seemed unrelated at first glance, but were pointing towards trauma he experienced in the past. For over a year, he went from doctor to doctor, getting different tests trying to figure out how all the symptoms were related. He wasn’t just experiencing emotional symptoms and we wanted to heal his physical symptoms too. A few months into our search for a solution, I started getting more involved in the pro-life movement and attended the Arizona Right to Life conference. It was there that I stopped at the Rachel’s Vineyard and Silent No More Awareness booth.

At the booth they had a couple of handouts showing the symptoms of abortion in both men and women. I looked through the list and all but one symptom my husband was experiencing or had experienced. I told the person at the booth, “That’s my husband.” This also put the pieces of the puzzle together for what I was experiencing. For over a year, I was praying and fasting asking God to tell me what was going on with my husband. Every once in a while, he would have fits of anger to what seemed out of nowhere. He’d go into deep depressions. He wasn’t much of a drinker, but at times all of a sudden he would seem to be an emotional drunk and just get completely wasted when his pain became too much. God started answering my prayers and giving me dreams of children.

In the dreams, it was clear the children were not mine. They were young and different ages. It was clear my husband was the father. I didn’t know what these dreams meant, but I would have them frequently. At the same time, my husband was also having dreams. The only reason I knew is because he would talk in his sleep. He would say things like, “Please don’t go.” When I saw the list of symptoms at the Silent No More Awareness table, it all clicked. I went back home and prayed and asked God for an opportunity to bring up this subject to my husband. He told me there was one abortion that happened when he was in his twenties. Then about a month later he told me another abortion happened when he was around seventeen.

As we started tracing back through his history, we found that his previous drug addictions and depression were triggered by that first abortion. Although, almost sixteen years later, he seemed to have “overcome” most of the painful feelings, the fact that he would have outbursts every few weeks showed that he was probably just suppressing his pain and it was showing up as the symptoms on that Silent No More Awareness sheet. It still took a few more months for us to find the right people to work with to help him get the proper healing. We found a counselor through “Mending the Soul.”

Within just a few days of seeking counseling, his symptoms started going away. He is now completely drug free and recovering from the rest of his symptoms. My husband and I now work to help educate others on the truth about abortion. Abortion takes the life of a child and destroys the lives of the parents and other family members involved. The reports and statistics are staggering as to how many people experience depression and PTSD after abortion. It is even more tragic how many people commit suicide after abortion, all the while the abortion industry continues to call this barbaric practice “safe.” There is nothing safe or convenient about abortion. We know from our own experiences that there is always a worse consequence to abortion.

There isn’t a day that goes by that my husband doesn’t wish he could be a father to his children. Even though I wasn’t even part of his life when these things happened, the chance to be at least a step-mother was stolen from me too.

Our future children will be the siblings of his aborted babies. But by the grace of God, we will see them one day and be reunited! We also support non-profits in our community to help give women a real choice and support them in their decision to birth and/or parent their children. There is no such thing as an unwanted child. There are hundreds of thousands of adoptive parents looking to become a family, praying God will fulfill their greatest wish to be loving parents!

Every human is created with value and called “great” by God. Abortion kills our future solutions. The only legitimate way to be for ‘choice’ when it comes to a baby is to help parents in crisis pregnancies find solutions for life! Many in the pro-life community have stepped up to the plate, but there is so much more work to be done. Will you join us! My husband is a music artist by profession. He wrote a song to tell his testimony of how God healed him from abortion. I hope it blesses you. http://youtu.be/BEgq7iAgz7s.

Karina’s Poem

           THE   RIVER

The widest river full of tears could never wash away

The pain and deep regret that I lived with every day

My intense shame and sorrow was too great to tell

In fact, my life had become more like a living hell

I thought I deserved the tormented existence that I led

After all, four babies, by my choice, were dead

But did I really “choose” for my babies to die?

When it comes to abortion, the word “choice” is a lie

Resignation is a word closer to the mark

Other options are left very much in the dark

The clinic counsellor is there to “help” you decide

Have they been there? Have they done that?

What makes them qualified?

After being told “the facts” and assured that this is no big deal

You’re asked to sign consent for the life they’re about to steal

And no matter how much you cry or wish there was another way

No one acknowledges your confusion – to them it’s just another day

Just another day at the death clinic where lives are lost before they’re born

Little souls going up to Heaven, mothers left behind to mourn

But mourn what? You’re told that you’re supposed to feel relieved

Then why do I feel so bad inside; I think I’ve been deceived

Deceived by that package labelled “choice”; it was all a great big lie

I’ll never get to see my baby, nurse it or even hear it cry

If it’s “no big deal” then why do I feel so rotten to my core

And why does my empty womb grieve for the babe it never bore

Why can’t I stop the ache that comes from so deep within my soul?

Will anything ever fill this raw and ragged, crater-shaped hole?

I couldn’t bear the thought of carrying this burden even just one more day

But Jesus that’s when You came to me and offered to take my burden away

At first I didn’t want to let it go and You so patiently understood

I didn’t want to forgive myself and You so gently told me I should

But Jesus, what happened to those dear little babies I let go

“I have them” You said, “they’re safe with me, but there’s something they want you to know

“They want you to know they love you and they’re waiting here with Me

“Waiting for their Mum, until together you can spend eternity

“They forgive you and so do I, so let My river of blood flow each day

“To consume all of the shame and guilt that your tears could never wash away”

Thank you dear Jesus for cleansing me in the healing river of Your blood

You washed me even whiter than snow when I felt as dirty as mud

So Jesus please tell my little babies that I love them with all my heart

That I’m sorry I never gave them life and that for now we are apart

I’m so grateful Jesus that my precious babies are with You

And I look forward to the day when I can be there with them too

Karina   3-2-06

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Mark

When my girlfriend said she was pregnant, I was terrified.. I had no idea what to do, or what she wanted to do.  We were both so busy trying to do the right thing for each other.. now we can hardly even talk.  I thought she wanted to have an abortion.   I didn’t really want her to, but aren’t I supposed to be supportive?   To do whatever she wants?   She’s the one who would have to live through being pregnant.

I didn’t know I would be so angry afterwards.    When she told me that she wished I had said she could have the baby, what was I supposed to say?   We messed up big time.  We can never undo this.  Nothing will ever be the same..