Crystal

I had a surgical abortion done on the 4th of may 2016. I was so scared when I found out I was pregnant, seeing those 2 lines on the pregnancy test shocked me. I didn’t know what to do.

Telling my partner was the hardest, we’d had a miscarriage the previous month. He took it pretty well. But he knew we both weren’t ready for this sort of thing.
I waited a week to go to the doctors, the doctor referred me to get a scan done. To find out how far along I was. So I booked the appointment and went in to get the scan done.
The second I saw it on the scan, my heart broke. It was just a small sack, with a little tiny heart beat. Barely there, so small, so innocent. I changed my mind for a split second.

More arguments were to come with my partner. We both just didn’t know what to do. We were both scared. So the only option we could come up with was abortion.
I waited another 4 weeks before calling the clinic to book a consultation appointment. I dreaded the appointment, deep down I didn’t want to do it.
I was close to 8 weeks pregnant by the time I went to the clinic, they did a scan to confirm how far along I was. I refused to look at the screen when the doctor did the scan.
Soon after I was taken in for the procedure. I was told to remove my pants and undies, and put on a gown. I laid down on a chair and from there on I cant remember the rest of it.

When I woke up I felt guilty, angry at myself. I couldn’t stop crying. My partner felt guilty too. He kept saying ‘sorry’ over and over again.
Deep down I don’t even know if I did the right thing, I keep thinking about the baby and if it had been a boy or girl.

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