I had an abortion on 31/03/2009 at the age of 15. It is the biggest regret and mistake of my life, and has impacted my life greatly in a negative way.

I am not making excuses -because there is no possible way to justify the horrible and terrible decision I made, but I truly believe if it wasn’t for the fact that I was threatened and manipulated into making the choice I did by my abusive 19 boyfriend at the time (who didn’t want to have to tell his parents!) I would have made a different decision.

Having a termination has ruined my life, and I feel like I deserve it after what I did. I suffer from severe depression, anxiety and social phobia, I barely leave the house, I don’t talk to anyone, I cry 24/7, I can’t leave my house because I’m scared to see a baby or pregnant lady, I self harm, I attempted suicide, I love my nephew to death and he loves me and is very clingy to me but I can’t be around him because I fill up with jealousy and sadness knowing that I could have had a beautiful baby but I ruined it by making a terrible stupid decision

The day of my abortion repeats over and over in my head, I have nightmares frequently, I cry every night. I’m effected by my regret every waking moment. I find it especially hard when it comes to the anniversary of the termination I would do literally ANYTHING to go back in time and change it. All I want in the world is to have my beautiful baby:(

I wouldn’t wish the regret and guilt on my worst enemy but I find dome comfort in the fact that there are people who can relate to me and understand my pain. I hope you all find a way to deal with your guilt and experience a happy fulfilling life.

I still struggle greatly with coming to terms with this and if it isn’t too much to ask I would love to have someone who understands what I’m feeling to talk to xxx.

4 Responses to Emily

  • Sonja says:

    I honestly think you have a legal case against your abortion provider. They have a duty of care to warn you of the psychological risks, and to screen for coercion. Please google ‘Abortion Legal Support’ – you deserved so much better!

  • J. says:

    Hi Emily.

    There are no words to express how sorry I am, and that I truly feel the unlimited amount of pain that comes from abortion.

    I hope that if you need to speak to anyone, you can find people to reach out to here.

    I would be more than happy to talk.

    I wish you all the strength in the world.


  • Lyn says:

    Emily, my heart aches for you! I feel so sorry for the pain you are experiencing. Even though I have never been through an abortion, I can hear how absolutely devastating it is for you. I don’t know if it would help, but there are some books available that have women’s stories of abortion and the grief they felt. One is called ‘Giving Sorrow Words’ and I know there are more available. These might help you not to feel so alone. Otherwise it would be great if you could find a caring counsellor to talk to. All the best xx

  • Rachel says:

    My heart goes out to you Emily in your pain and grief. There are organisations out there which have very caring people you can talk to, non-judgmental women.
    I know the pain of losing a grandchild to abortion. It’s was distressing to witness the physical, emotional and mental coercion my son’s girlfriend was put through by her family until she agreed to have an abortion. After this I fell apart and if it wasn’t for the help of a wonderful counsellor from The Babes Project I wouldn’t be where I am today. I don’t know where you live but you can visit them at the following web address http://www.thebabesproject.com.au/ They are so caring and kind and would be more than happy for you to send them an email. There are other organisations around as well.
    I pray that someone will come alongside you and support you through your grief.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>