Jane

At the time I was 18, my boyfriend 19.  I’ve been in a relationship with my boyfriend for 3 years and we had sex for the very first time on our 2 year anniversary… After months and months of sex I realized I missed my period from a period tracker app I have on my phone. So we talked and talked.  He really wanted the baby so he took extra hours at work and he saved a TON of money.  Me being pregnant I was upset that he couldn’t talk to me as much or he couldn’t be around as much because he was literally always working for the baby and I.

I lived at home with my mum.  I was supposed to be leaving for school  but I missed it because I was focused on the baby and my health my mum didn’t know and at this point I was 2-3 months.  I didn’t tell her because I knew that she would say to get an abortion but I wanted my baby so I said nothing.

Eventually she started to notice (of course) and she took me to a clinic and I heard his/her heart beat they took measurements etc and I even have pictures so as soon as we left and my mum found out I was 20 weeks she said find a nearby abortion clinic that do late term abortions.   My heart sank.  Weeks later she cursed me out and she threatened to kick me out as I cried hysterically till my eyes were swollen shut.  She walked by and called me horrible names and saying that my boyfriend would leave me and that he won’t take care of the kid and I told her I would just do it…

I did it because I wanted to make someone else happy and I had to convince myself that I disliked my boyfriend even though in my heart I knew he would be there. My mum had an abortion around my age and she told me when I was 15 that she regretted it and she got pregnant soon after that and had a boy and he’s a mislead and rebellious and that scares me I don’t want that to happen to me but me and my boyfriend are still together.

I have a job now and I am starting school again soon…and to this day me and him cry and struggle knowing we would’ve been able to take care of him/her.  On the 30th he/she would be 4 months old.   I know God forgives me but it’s hard for me to forgive myself I just wish I would’ve fought harder if only I knew then what I know now

2 Responses to Jane

  • Stephanie says:

    Thats so sad. :( they call it “choice”, but its not a choice at all when its been coerced by a parent or partner or simply by a society that accepts abortion more than teen mothers.

    I don’t know if you will ever be able to forgive yourself, I didn’t, but hopefully you will find your peace. Fight for the lives of other little ones without voices and your loss won’t be for nothing.

  • Amy says:

    Thats one of the saddest stories that I’ve heard. I know I don’t know u but I feel a huge amount of sincere empathy for u. I’m so sorry that instead of having a supportive, loving and understanding mother thru an already tough time for u, u instead had a mother who did not care about what u wanted, and didn’t think about what this would do to u mentally and emotionally if she were to force u to do it when u were so opposed to the idea that u had swollen eyes. Especially since u would think she would be able to b understanding considering that she herself had an abortion and told u that she later regretted it. So she knows what its like to live with that regret. I just very sincerely am sorry for your situation and that u had to go thru something like this.

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