l was 26 when I had my abortion.  l was pressured and scared.  l knew what l was doing.  l was in relationship about to get married.  l didn’t want to get married but l fell pregnant on the depo and was pressured into getting married.

l had my first ultra sound and everything was perfect with my baby.  l remember seeing her in my womb.  l was 3 months.  l was excited, then one morning woke up and I didn’t want to go through with the wedding so l decided to abort at 4 and a half months.  l rang a friend who came with me to talk to my dad.  l still see the pain in his eyes today about my decision.   My friend organized everything for the abortion.

The morning of the procedure a very dear friend of mine took me to the hospital at 7am.  We were in the waiting room when my friend was called up to the front desk.  My partner came into the hospital to try and stop me and he was escorted out.

l destroyed him that day.

As l go to lay on the bed I just cry because I knew it was wrong in God’s eyes.  My friend said the Lords prayer and I remember looking her in the eyes with sadness.  That afternoon my friend took me home.  She got a phone call about another young couple who lost their daughter from cot death not long after l took Charlotte’s life.

l only spoke about this about 4 years ago when my second daughter was born.  A friend of mine ended up taking me to Rachels vineyard. That helped.   l went to March for the Babies this year and struggled for 3 days of guilt and pain.   l really feel for J (the father).   l am a Christian.  God knows my pain.  This is the first time l have spoken about the details.   I’m going to go out there and talk with schools about my story to tell them not to make the same mistake.   l trust God in this.  The pain never goes away..

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