L forced at 16

I too was forced to have an abortion at 16 years old in 1971 right before Roe v. Wade came into play.  I had to go before a panel of many doctors, lie to my OB doctor all to have the abortion I never wanted.  In the hospital the day of the abortion I walked down the halls sobbing and and holding my tummy because I felt so alone and trapped into having this terrible abortion.  My mother was verbally abusive, I was terrifed of my father who had an enormous temper and the baby’s father all said absolutely no way could or should I have this child.

In the counseling session when the counselor tried to tell me about any options I had instead of the abortion my mother cut her off and said ‘we know all of that, she knows her options’ which I did not.  I ended up marrying the baby’s dad later on which ended in divorce as I think I never could get over what we’d done to our precious baby.  I have had horrible resentment and anger at my mom for years. I have had awful depression and still fight it to this day.

I know that I have been forgiven by Jesus and try to turn this grief and shame and guilt to him daily.  I know he has forgiven me and my child is safe in His arms however I cant really forgive myself completely.  I have forgiven my mom and try to have a healthy relationship with her but it is a work in progress.  As a lot of us struggle with these issues still many years after the abortion.  I pray for us all to find God’s peace and restore our joy of living in order to help others avoid this pain..

2 Responses to L forced at 16

  • Lee Anne says:

    L – I was told at eighteen that I WOULD have an abortion. There was no discussion – it was just done.

    I struggled for years to try to balance my love for children with the fact that my child’s life was terminated by order of my parents, who lost their grandchild in the termination.

    I attended a Rachel’s Vineyard retreat about eleven years ago and celebrated the short life of my child and was able to name him and found peace with God’s Grace. I highly recommend the retreat!

    God Bless you

  • Laurie says:

    Lee Anne:

    Today I saw your comment in response to my story. First of all let me say how very sorry that you also were given no choice in the matter of your abortion. I will check out Rachel’s Vineyard and see what is available here in southern California. May God continue to bless you and all of us who still struggle. Thank you for your comments.


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