Lee

Thank you for this site.  I saw it talked about on twitter which is funny ‘cos I was following someone who said bad things about it, looked and then I couldn’t work out why it was a problem.  I hope you do just put my story up without changing it like you said.   Someone said you change the stories.  Anyway.

I had an abortion 10 years ago ‘cos I didn’t want to be a single mum.  I was 25 and figured I had plenty of time to have kids.  When I went to the clinic, I wasn’t really asked a lot of questions.  They treated it like it was pretty routine but noone in the waiting room looked like they were there for something routine.  I don’t remember anyone asking me if I thought about it or wanted to know what else I could do.   The only thing they said about how I would feel later is that I would be relieved and be able to just get on with things.

This was kind of true for a while.  My best friend had already had an abortion and she wasn’t worried about it, so I didn’t think I should be.   About 2 years after, I rang the clinic because I was feeling bad and having some bad dreams about it and they said they could give counselling later if I needed it, but they just said it couldn’t be the abortion because it was too long ago and I shouldn’t blame the abortion and find someone to help me work out what it was.

I finally got the courage to ask my best friend about it and she said that she didn’t really want to tell me how bad she felt because she didn’t want to pressure me of make me feel bad.  So ffs, we both sit around feeling like crap about it and keep smiling so we don’t pressure the other one.    Makes no sense to me.

Anyway.   I’m still not married.   I do want kids, but I don’t think it’s going to happen now.  That’s what’s hard.   That I never thought of that abortion being a kid.   Now I know it was.   I think some people would say that’s ‘cos you guys told me that or some radical prolife hater told me that but that isn’t true.   I just know.   And my friend knows.   And all my friends who had kids know.   Why are we throwing these baby shower parties for them if it isn’t a kid?

If I couldn’t have had an abortion like I did, just walking in, I wouldn’t have.  Life would have been pretty different.  Probably better..

5 Responses to Lee

  • Admin says:

    Lee, you will see that the only part of your story I have edited is the name of the person you were following on Twitter. I have changed this to ‘someone’. Thank you for your story.

  • Lyn Schoof says:

    Thanks so much for sharing Lee. It must be so hard for you.

  • Kate Cann says:

    Dear Lee
    Thank you for sharing your story. I’m so sorry you have been through this, and that you feel under pressure to put on a brave face about it. I’m sorry you did not get the information and support you deserved, and that no-one really asked you how you thought about it or what you really wanted to do.
    I hope that at the very least this site will help you to realise that you are not alone. Sadly, other women feel “like crap” about their experience as well, but you will also read stories of healing and hope.
    I really do hope that you can work through what happened, and find a way to do life differently, in a way that will bring you happiness. None of us can ever go back and undo the past (whether that’s to do with abortion or other things) but we can move forward and choose to believe that our lives matter, and that we have something positive to offer to the world.
    Please know that people here have heard your story, and appreciate and respect you for sharing it with us.
    love
    Kate. :)

  • Karina van Vliet says:

    Lee, thank you so much for sharing your story. It broke my heart to read it, but it’s so very important for these stories to be told. I really hope you do get the chance to have another child.

    Karina x

  • Kyles978 says:

    Thanks for sharing Lee. I hope you did find some counseling and healing. If you still need to work through things there is a list of organizations under the help tab that will be happy to help you, no matter how long it’s been.

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