I am 23 years old.

2013 brought with it my most challenging year yet, after the break up of a long term relationship, the long struggle of health with my mum, and the sudden divorce of my parents I spent a great deal of time leaning against my best friend.  We became insanely close to the point where we were never apart.  We fell in love and were taking things extremely slowly.

Until one night I decided to do a pregnancy test because I just didn’t feel ‘normal’.  When it came back positive I didn’t know what to do, I felt like I had lost all control over my life and I wanted to sink into the ground.  I met with my best friend and I told him, he already has a child (single father, child is my godchild) and the memories of him telling me that he was going to be a father came streaming back into my head.  I knew that he had done a lot of growing up since that night, but I couldn’t help but remember how shattered, afraid and how much hate he had for the mother of that child.  But I told him anyway, and to my surprise he smiled..he held me, and told me that everything would be okay, that he would never leave me and that we would be perfect..

I didn’t want to listen to him, because as much as I loved him, I didn’t want to be with him like that.  I have always dreamt of having a baby, and in my dreams it was perfect..this wasn’t perfect.

We came to a decision together after weeks of tough chats to not keep the baby.  We went to the clinic together and it was over.

It’s been a month now, and I always think that it wasn’t a bad choice because if I really wanted to be with him, then we could have made this work.  But we chose not to.  Those thoughts are quickly over taken by the thoughts of us giving up, we gave up on a baby, a life.  When we really didn’t have to.  We have money, a house, love.  We could have done it.

Is not wanting this with a certain person a good enough reason to take a life?.

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