Loveness

I had an abortion twice…..
I am sitting here, at 36, highly educated with a Doctoral Degree, big career BUT, the regrets! I first fell pregnant when I was 22 years old. I was still doing my undergraduate degree.  My then boyfriend was working.  He had a great job.  When I found out about my pregnancy, he just told me immediately: ‘You MUST have an abortion’.  He was 26 years old then.  At 9 weeks when I went for a scan prior to the procedure, the nurse asked me if I was sure I wanted to go ahead with this because she could already tell that I was carrying twins.  The doctor came in and I remember he was so cheerful and tried to strike up a conversation with me.

It was so PAINFUL!   I screamed and cried….!  When all was done, my then boyfriend picked me up in his car. I told him it was so painful that I was crying. His response was ‘It cannot have been that painful. If it was, you could have passed out’.  I remained with the bugger and five years later, we had a son.  Two years down the line, we split up.  I got a great scholarship to do a Masters degree in England in one of the best universities in the world.  I met a man there.  This time I was on the pill but, I fell pregnant.

The man is a Doctor and he also told me point blank:  ‘You have no choice.  Abort this child.  I knew I had to do that because I felt the child would interrupt my studies and I would lose the scholarship. A fter the abortion, I remember having nightmares in my room. I would hear children play around my bedroom. The man later left me.  I know I will be judged for being careless… I admit I was but, the regret is killing me inside. I look at my son, now 10 years old, and I imagine what my other two kids would look like….

2 Responses to Loveness

  • Lyn says:

    It sounds to me that you really didn’t have a lot of say or choice in the decisions to abort. I feel sad for you that the fathers of your children were not prepared to be real men and protect you and their children. And then you are left to carry the hurt and pain. Please consider talking to a counsellor xx

  • Lynette says:

    I feel so bad for you!!! Men can be so heartless……….

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