Lydia

I don’t know if you’ll even print my story but here you go. I’m 32, living with my partner and we have 2 kids now. When I was 21, I got pregnant. I didn’t know the guy all that well. My crowd of friends pretty much had lots of boyfriends and we didn’t think much about it when we slept with them. I didn’t have a problem with it then and I don’t now.

Anyway, I was pretty lucky I knew who the father would be because I’d been in a pretty heavy study time at uni and hadn’t gone out as much as usual. I told him and he didn’t seem like he minded one way or another what I did. I figured I was pretty early on and that abortion would be the easiest thing for us both.

I didn’t have much of a problem with the abortion. There were other women there, nobody looked happy but why would they? I didn’t even think much about it again until I got pregnant again when I was 27. That baby was to my current partner. When I told him I was pregnant he was really happy and then so was I. So we decided to have our son.

I have been reading some of the other stories here and I feel really bad for these other women, but I have never felt like they do, which is why I wonder if I’ll get a hearing. I didn’t feel really pressured and I didn’t feel really bad about it. The only thing is that I do think about it, I didn’t for a long time, but I do now. A lot.

Not in a really bad way, but when I look at my 2 kids now I wonder about the one that didn’t get to be. I think that I’m better off because now I’m settled and happy with my partner and maybe that wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t have the abortion. But then you never know do you.. not really, how things might have turned out if you made a different decision. Maybe things would be different. That doesn’t mean they would be worse. So I don’t know if regret is the right word for me. Wonder is a better word, I wonder ‘what if’ and feel a little sad and dreamy about it.

I don’t want you to print my name if you do print my story. My partner doesn’t know I had an abortion. Nobody does. I just want that person I didn’t get to have to know that I remember them in some way even though I never told anyone. That sounds stupid when I write it down. Anyway, maybe my story isn’t sad enough or terrible enough for you. Guess we’ll see. .