I don’t know if you’ll even print my story but here you go. I’m 32, living with my partner and we have 2 kids now. When I was 21, I got pregnant. I didn’t know the guy all that well. My crowd of friends pretty much had lots of boyfriends and we didn’t think much about it when we slept with them. I didn’t have a problem with it then and I don’t now.

Anyway, I was pretty lucky I knew who the father would be because I’d been in a pretty heavy study time at uni and hadn’t gone out as much as usual. I told him and he didn’t seem like he minded one way or another what I did. I figured I was pretty early on and that abortion would be the easiest thing for us both.

I didn’t have much of a problem with the abortion. There were other women there, nobody looked happy but why would they? I didn’t even think much about it again until I got pregnant again when I was 27. That baby was to my current partner. When I told him I was pregnant he was really happy and then so was I. So we decided to have our son.

I have been reading some of the other stories here and I feel really bad for these other women, but I have never felt like they do, which is why I wonder if I’ll get a hearing. I didn’t feel really pressured and I didn’t feel really bad about it. The only thing is that I do think about it, I didn’t for a long time, but I do now. A lot.

Not in a really bad way, but when I look at my 2 kids now I wonder about the one that didn’t get to be. I think that I’m better off because now I’m settled and happy with my partner and maybe that wouldn’t have happened if I didn’t have the abortion. But then you never know do you.. not really, how things might have turned out if you made a different decision. Maybe things would be different. That doesn’t mean they would be worse. So I don’t know if regret is the right word for me. Wonder is a better word, I wonder ‘what if’ and feel a little sad and dreamy about it.

I don’t want you to print my name if you do print my story. My partner doesn’t know I had an abortion. Nobody does. I just want that person I didn’t get to have to know that I remember them in some way even though I never told anyone. That sounds stupid when I write it down. Anyway, maybe my story isn’t sad enough or terrible enough for you. Guess we’ll see. .

2 Responses to Lydia

  • Teresa says:

    Hi Lydia – first of all, a warm hug from me for sharing your story.

    The point of this website (and I am nothing to do with this website) I am sure is to allow post-abortive women a voice – something that they have been denied for too long.

    Sometimes women don’t feel much emotion one way or the other in the beginning, but that can change and intensify. I don’t say this to alarm you, but rather, to warn you (in the gentlest sense) that sometimes a post-abortive woman can be moving along happily in her life and then something can trigger those locked feelings to surface. If that does happen, please seek out counselling – don’t keep the pain to yourself.

    It is beautiful and important that you want to remember your child in “some small way” – perhaps buy a little angel statue and put it in your ‘good things’ cabinet, or write your little one a letter. Give him/her a name, if you are unsure, use a name that can be used for either a boy or a girl eg Pat, Chris.

    Thank you for sharing your story.

  • Admin says:

    I want to hear every story. Thank you for your honesty Lydia x … Anna

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