Mari

I regret my abortion.  There, I said it.  I have a really hard time looking at babies or interacting with children. It makes me miss my would of been daughter (I felt girl, not for certain).  I’ve never expressed this outside of my mind, and here I am on a public forum.

Please reach out if you want to talk.  I admit I have been able to do things and go places that I would not have been able to do with a child.  Doesn’t really feel worth it though.  Ironically, the radio is talking about new mums right now.   I am so sad!

A friend of mine gave birth around the time I would have.  I am so jealous sometimes.  I randomly cry thinking about this.

I was 23 and with my bf for year and half we were madly in love… but fought a lot.  Nothing physical, he would never do that.  We just were crazy for each other and sometime we’d verbally fight and that hurt us.  We are no longer together, not because of the abortion.  I miss him and still want to have a baby with him.  I wish I kept my baby.  I feel I am getting to old for children and that makes me more sad.

I don’t know what to do or who to talk to.  This is sad.  I live a good life and love many friends and family and am loved by many too.  My life has gone on, but I don’t know where to go to talk about my secret. And I’m fed up of the stigma, making people keep it secret.
I also wanted to save Earth by not overpopulating. So many idiots having children, so why did I sacrifice mine?

2 Responses to Mari

  • Sonja says:

    You are not alone in your grief. Please seek out someone understanding to talk it through with.
    I hope and pray you find peace. Xo

  • Leigh Zeller says:

    Off all the things I wish most for is hindsight. Over 40 years my husband and I were married two years.we were not planning on starting a family but an accident happened and little did I know s
    What a gift it could have been. I did not know what hyperemesis gravidarim was but my husband was convinced it was “all in my head”. After speaking to my obgyn, he encouraged me to terminate for the sake of my marriage. I never thought of my husband as a cold and insensitive person, but walking into the Washington DC clinic alone was frightening. After it was over, I walked over to get into the car and saw my husband calming reading the Washington Post and eating peanut m&m’s. Forty five years later I still think of that October morning and the heartbreaking sandness and emptiness I felt and still feel.

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