Melissa

I’m only 16 and I only had my abortion this year (2012).   I’m kind of still shocked about it all and haven’t really talked to many people except my best friend.   My mum and dad have never mentioned it to me since it happened.   My mum took me to the clinic and there were a few people outside looking like they were praying.   This really scared me because it made me think about what I was really doing, but the person in the clinic explained that they were really just there to make us feel bad.   I wasn’t so sure and I did want to stop and talk to them, but mum and another lady really pushed me along on the footpath and told them to go away.

I remember as I walked in the door, looking back and wishing I could run back to them.

I felt really bad about getting pregnant.   My dad was just so disappointed and I just wanted him to keep loving me.  I didn’t even tell the boy I slept with.   I didn’t even mean for it to happen and I was scared everyone would just find out I’d had sex with him.  Even though he was the only one, I know everyone would think I’m a slut.

I sat in a waiting room with other girls.. only one who looked about as young as me.  The rest were older but everyone looked either really really sad, or really really scared.   I don’t know how I looked.   I still don’t know how I feel, except that there is space inside of me that feels wrong.. like it shouldn’t be there.   I never want to go to school anymore.   I don’t really care about anything anymore.   Nobody said anything about how I would feel.   I don’t know if I’m normal.   I know I just don’t want this anymore.   I wish I didn’t have to go through this.

Mostly I wish I didn’t get pregnant in the first place.   Then I wish that I’d had a chance to talk to someone.   I would be having a baby in a few weeks.   When I write that down I feel a pain inside me like I wish I never ever had to feel.

If someone is reading this whose daughter is pregnant, don’t make her have an abortion.   She won’t be the same.  I’m not… and I don’t know if I ever will be again..

7 Responses to Melissa

  • Steph Mitchell says:

    Oh Melissa, my heart goes out to you. From what I’ve read there are a lot of girls and women who regret having an abortion after the fact so I think you are ‘normal’ in that sense. This is why groups like Real Choices want to get the message out that it’s not as easy as some people make out. I hope you are able to find a support group to help you through this journey.

  • Mark Grace says:

    Over 40 years ago my sister had an abortion because she didn’t want her parents to know she was pregnant.It was only a few years ago that she was able to feel forgiveness for what she did after years of feeling deep regret, guilt and sadness.
    What you are feeling is natural and my heart goes out to you. Reading your message made me weep with you and I’m nearly 60. But Melissa you don’t have to go on suffering like this for years.
    As a Christian who is known and loved by Jesus, I can assure you that God sees your heartache and can give you the love, forgiveness and healing that your soul cries out for.
    Reply

  • Rose Klein says:

    Dear Melissa,
    Hold on, sweet girl, there is help out there. You are very brave to tell your story. Praying for you.

    Love and hugs,
    Rose.

  • Regina says:

    Dear Melissa,
    I am so sorry for your loss and will pray for your healing.

    May God bless you.
    Regina

  • Pamela says:

    My heart goes out to you Melissa.

  • Breanna says:

    I cried for you, reading your story. Brave girl. Hang in there. You are not alone, ever. I pray you are finding the healing you need. The people praying out the front where not there to make you feel bad as you were told, they were there because they care about YOU! I assume you may have made contact with them now as you have written your story on here. If not, do it.
    My heart goes out to you! XO

  • Tina says:

    Dear Melissa,

    I cry for you and for so many others. You are a brave girl to share this deep hurt you feel. In doing so you have touched many lives and am sure will help others. There are so many people praying for you. I hope and pray Melissa you have by now found someone to talk to.
    love & God Bless you dear child.

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