My husband had three girlfriends that had abortions when he was in his late teens and twenties. Prior to us getting married, he had shared that one girlfriend of his had an abortion but he didn’t know if the child was his or not and shrugged it off like he wasn’t affected by the abortion. But a year later, shortly after we got married, it became very apparent something major happened in his life that was bothering him tremendously.

He was experiencing lots of symptoms that seemed unrelated at first glance, but were pointing towards trauma he experienced in the past. For over a year, he went from doctor to doctor, getting different tests trying to figure out how all the symptoms were related. He wasn’t just experiencing emotional symptoms and we wanted to heal his physical symptoms too. A few months into our search for a solution, I started getting more involved in the pro-life movement and attended the Arizona Right to Life conference. It was there that I stopped at the Rachel’s Vineyard and Silent No More Awareness booth.

At the booth they had a couple of handouts showing the symptoms of abortion in both men and women. I looked through the list and all but one symptom my husband was experiencing or had experienced. I told the person at the booth, “That’s my husband.” This also put the pieces of the puzzle together for what I was experiencing. For over a year, I was praying and fasting asking God to tell me what was going on with my husband. Every once in a while, he would have fits of anger to what seemed out of nowhere. He’d go into deep depressions. He wasn’t much of a drinker, but at times all of a sudden he would seem to be an emotional drunk and just get completely wasted when his pain became too much. God started answering my prayers and giving me dreams of children.

In the dreams, it was clear the children were not mine. They were young and different ages. It was clear my husband was the father. I didn’t know what these dreams meant, but I would have them frequently. At the same time, my husband was also having dreams. The only reason I knew is because he would talk in his sleep. He would say things like, “Please don’t go.” When I saw the list of symptoms at the Silent No More Awareness table, it all clicked. I went back home and prayed and asked God for an opportunity to bring up this subject to my husband. He told me there was one abortion that happened when he was in his twenties. Then about a month later he told me another abortion happened when he was around seventeen.

As we started tracing back through his history, we found that his previous drug addictions and depression were triggered by that first abortion. Although, almost sixteen years later, he seemed to have “overcome” most of the painful feelings, the fact that he would have outbursts every few weeks showed that he was probably just suppressing his pain and it was showing up as the symptoms on that Silent No More Awareness sheet. It still took a few more months for us to find the right people to work with to help him get the proper healing. We found a counselor through “Mending the Soul.”

Within just a few days of seeking counseling, his symptoms started going away. He is now completely drug free and recovering from the rest of his symptoms. My husband and I now work to help educate others on the truth about abortion. Abortion takes the life of a child and destroys the lives of the parents and other family members involved. The reports and statistics are staggering as to how many people experience depression and PTSD after abortion. It is even more tragic how many people commit suicide after abortion, all the while the abortion industry continues to call this barbaric practice “safe.” There is nothing safe or convenient about abortion. We know from our own experiences that there is always a worse consequence to abortion.

There isn’t a day that goes by that my husband doesn’t wish he could be a father to his children. Even though I wasn’t even part of his life when these things happened, the chance to be at least a step-mother was stolen from me too.

Our future children will be the siblings of his aborted babies. But by the grace of God, we will see them one day and be reunited! We also support non-profits in our community to help give women a real choice and support them in their decision to birth and/or parent their children. There is no such thing as an unwanted child. There are hundreds of thousands of adoptive parents looking to become a family, praying God will fulfill their greatest wish to be loving parents!

Every human is created with value and called “great” by God. Abortion kills our future solutions. The only legitimate way to be for ‘choice’ when it comes to a baby is to help parents in crisis pregnancies find solutions for life! Many in the pro-life community have stepped up to the plate, but there is so much more work to be done. Will you join us! My husband is a music artist by profession. He wrote a song to tell his testimony of how God healed him from abortion. I hope it blesses you.

One Response to Merissa

  • Kate Cann says:

    Thank you Merissa for sharing this with us. The impact of abortion on men is one of the “silent” areas here in Australia, although this is thankfully changing due to sites like “Fathers Forever’ (which also addresses miscarriage as well as abortion loss). It is a truth that needs to be told. Abortion impacts so many people. not just the child and the mother.
    While it is so sad to hear of your husbands suffering, it is wonderful to also hear of his healing.

    What a blessing that your husband had you to stand by him during his journey, and that you are also able now to reach out and help others.
    You are an inspiration.
    love, Kate. :)

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