Olivia’s story


When I was 17, just weeks after myself and my horribly abusive boyfriend broke up, I found out I was pregnant. I come from a really respectable family and this wasn’t something that was easy.

At first it was I didn’t have a choice, I was to have the baby, until my sisters sat me down and told me the choice was mine. I called my ex to tell him that I wanted to keep the baby but he said, in a very threatening way, “I wont allow it”.

So I went to councillor to find out about the options, after 2 sessions I had decided on adoption, but this particular councillor was extremely pushy on abortion constantly saying “you wont be able to go through with adoption, having a baby will ruin your life, you’ll be restricted, you wont be able to do anything ever again.” So between this and the threat I had settled on having an abortion, literally less then 2 weeks after I found out I was pregnant I was over in the UK in a clinic with people smiling telling me everything was fine and dandy.

I went through the procedure feeling numb the entire way through, came home and went back for a few counselling sessions where I was told I would now live a happy free life and for a while I can honestly say I was relieved.

But then my own feelings started to come back and the numbness wore off, never had I felt worse feelings of regret. It’s a year and a half ago that this happened, and all the old feelings are coming back now that one of my friends has just had twins and my ex is having a baby with another girl already.

Although I am only nearly 19, I’m seriously considering trying for a child so I can get back the little soul I gave up because I was scared into making a decision that just wasn’t right for me..

One Response to Olivia’s story

  • Teresa Martin says:

    Dear Olivia,

    Thank you for being brave enough to tell your story. Know, though, that no matter how many other babies you have, you will not recapture the little one you have lost. Each and every child, born or unborn, is an unrepeatable little human being and your heart will forever long for that little baby.

    But don’t lose heart. Name your lost baby. Tell that little one that you love him/her. If you aren’t sure if the little one was a boy or a girl, use a name like Chris, Pat etc. Pour your heart out in a letter to your baby telling him/her how hard that time was for you, how unsupported you felt, how lost and alone. Know that your baby is safe in the arms of God whether you believe in Him or not.

    Know you are loved and valued and that healing is available. Organisations run healing retreats for those who have suffered abortions. The administrator of this website may be able to advise re one in your local area.

    Thank you again for your bravery and know that there are many of us praying for you.

    With love and blessings,


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