I wish I could change what I did…

I was 20 turning 21 and 3months pregnant!   My relationship with my boyfriend of 4 years was abusive and getting worse by the day, I was severely depressed.   When I told him I was pregnant he accused me of cheating on him.  The last straw in our relationship was when he told me he had thoughts of killing me, & I finally decided I wanted to end our relationship.

I had no support from his family at all.  When I told my family we separated my parents gave me two options. 1. Marry him for the sake of the child even though his abusive. 2. Abortion

Feeling like I couldn’t ever spend a lifetime with him, I opted for option 2.  I remember the 2week build up to the abortion as the worst days of my life. Talking to my baby everyday, begging for forgiveness for what I’m about to do. On the day of the abortion I was so numb.  I was dehydrated from crying, I gave one word answers.  I remember thinking, the nurse isn’t even asking me why I’m doing this.  I wasn’t even offered an alternative, maybe I would have changed my mind and fought for what I wanted instead of just doing what I was told.

Almost immediately I turned to drugs & alcohol.  I was looking for love in all the wrong places.  I rebelled I was reckless, careless, I wanted to die.  After 10 months of suffering mentally, emotionally & physically, I converted from Islam to Christianity & only then was I able to overcome my depression & suicidal thoughts & truly smile again.

Even though I am now engaged and experiencing the happiest moments of my life, I still am deeply affected by my actions till this day.  There are still nights I think of holding my baby in my arms, smelling its hair, looking into its eyes.  How amazing it would have been. My child would have been 2 now.  I pray I could at least stop one person from making the horrible mistake of abortion by sharing this.  Please don’t do it, its not the easy way out..

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